In Chapter 3 of First Peter the Apostle outlines how Christian men and women should interact with one another in marriage; it also instructs wives who find themselves married to a non-Christian and addresses the motives for such behavior. While the context of the letter addresses Christians living in first century Asia Minor (Turkey), Peter’s instructions are timeless. The Apostles’ instructions are rooted in the unchangeable nature of men and women and marriage which is the “bond and covenant of marriage in creation as a sign of the mystical union between Christ and his church (2019 Book of Common Prayer, 201). These things - being eternal - are not at their root cultural or social constructions. Of course they are influenced in practiced by the cultures that interpret them and adhere to their true natures more or less.
Roman ideas about marriage were evolving in the first Century. Cultures are never monolithic; the cultures in various parts of the Roman Empire were even more diverse. One constant is ideas that surround people in any age are powerful forces including un-written rules, understandings, and narratives. The Apostle Peter outlines the godly institution of marriage giving moral and ethical instruction based on the bedrock of God’s Will both as it is naturally seen and revealed. God-ordered and ordained institutions are different from human ones and always will grind against common ideas. We see that with marriage both in St. Peter’s time and our own.
Chapter 3 is complicated. St. Peter assumes the headship that St. Paul writes of in 1 Cor 11:3; Eph. 5:22; Col 3:18. Submission of wives to their husbands and husbands living considerately with their wives is an inherent good for all Christians. St. Peter argues that it brings about virtue in the wife as an adornment in place of vanity (Pt. 3:1-4). A “gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious” (1 Pt. 4:4). This contrasts greatly with what some have pushed in our own day for many years now - that man and wife in marriages are interchangeable. St. Peter argues that there is a head of the Christian household - and that is the husband who is to lead spiritually and physically.
Additionally, there have been men who have abused the headship given to them culturally. But St. Peter’s way addresses this (1 Pt. 3:7). In fact marriage is an ordering that comes forth from the wider Christian community. Leadership and Submission is a way of loving service to people. The sinfulness of mankind and poor actors is not an argument against the institution itself.
As I prepared for this sermon I realized that St. Peter’s instructions - which were once seen universally in Christian tradition have been muddied by our own culture’s influence. Modern commentaries could not agree on application. Part of why this is such a challenging topic in our culture is that the Church has not preached with clarity on the subject. We do not have real conversations about headship because it is an issue embedded with cultural battles such as feminism and the quest for societal equality. If the goal or end of Christian marriage is not understood, then application becomes almost impossible. Many families are listless today. Many Christian families are no better with fathers who do not lead and mothers who do not manage their households. Worse yet - a disordered household is not even seen as a problem, though the results certainly are causes of much heartache. I benefited greatly from clear expectations that my spouse-to-be spelled out for me (in addition to my own conviction). We have arranged our life around the principles of I Peter 3. It is not always easy but we have clear goals.
Then there is the execution of duties within the framework. As I reflected on my own marriage with my wife, I was convicted of the times I had neglected my responsibility as a husband and father. There are times when I have been distant or uninvolved and not led as I have been tasked or been as involved. For example, it is easy for me to push into my work (and excuse my absence) because I am working to provide. There are also times I have given too much of myself emotionally so as to be unavailable for my spouse and children. I confess these sins. These are real conversations worth having in Christian friendships but a lack of building households has really plagued us. What difficulties do you have with this passage? Why? Let’s seek out why we have come so far from St. Peter’s instructions and work together to amend it in ourselves.